April 8, 2010

Care Less, Love More

Care and love are not the same thing, though they are often confused.
In my own experience, care leads to attachment, while love leads to
connection.

There is a place for caring in this world, and times when it is a
necessity. A newborn baby would surely die without the care of a
capable adult. Young children need care until they become independant.
Sick people need the care in order to get well. Elderly people need
care as well, because there are things they can no longer do for
themselves. We also need self-care, as in taking care of our well-being
and environment. There are quite a few examples when care is required.

Care can be an aspect of love, an expression of love...but it is not
love, nor can it replace love.

This is where things get tricky.

How can you not care? I have tossed this care less idea out before, and
it does get mixed reactions. Because people equate love so strongly
with care, it is offensive to some.

When we care too much, care can become worrisome, controlling,
confusing, enabling, and disrespectful. Care becomes attachment to a
specific outcome that may or may not involve us. Over-caring can
actually hurt the people we love, because it often leads to criticism
and over-bearing behavior in order to create the change we THINK needs
to occur. As we try and create future happiness for our loved ones, we
often create stress and discord to achieve that goal.

It is not my job to live anyone else's life for them, even and
especially the people I love.

Example - Caring. My 15 year old son spends very little time working on
a homework assignment. I care that he has not put in his best effort,
and that he will most likely get a bad grade. I worry that this bad
grade will effect his future, perhaps even his self-esteem since he
really likes this teacher and this class and getting a bad grade on
this assignment will make him feel bad - he'll probably forget that he
didn't try and consider himself a failure. If he believes he is a
failure he will stop putting effort into other things. I am caring too
much here. I am worrying about the outcome. I am attached to what grade
he gets. In the meantime, I am nagging him about his effort, his
grades, and his future, all because I care. See what I mean?

Same example - Loving. My 15 year old son spends very little time
working on a homework assignment. I say, "I respect your ability to do
this work, and also that you understand the consequences of it not
being done, because we have talked about the importance of your
education." I leave it up to him to decide what his best effort is. The
fact is, if he does put in effort, he will be rewarded with a good
grade. If he does not, he will see his grade drop. He is responsible
for that. I am loving him by allowing him to take age-appropriate
responsibility for his actions. Whatever the outcome of the situation,
I love him. I am free to do that, because my mind is not wrapped up in
care, worry, and what ifs. The caring becomes a distraction from
supportive love.

We are trained to care. We are told we should. The media bombards us
daily with things we need to care about, from the age spots and
wrinkles on our faces to the celebrity who betrayed their spouse.We
should care about what we have, and what we don't have.We should care
about what others do, and how it reflects on us. We should care, judge,
have opinions, and make sure that they are known, so everyone else can
see that we care.

Next time you are watching the world unfold...check your feelings. Are
you caring about what is going on? Shift it, and replace care with
love. You can do this any number of ways. You can love yourself and
just shut the TV off. You can watch the stories unfold and find love
for the people involved and without judgement say a prayer. You can pay
attention to things that LOVE, not CARE but LOVE draws you into...
because it is those things that will present opportunites to give and
receive love in your life.

One of the most important parts of the care vs love issue is how we
speak to and feel about ourselves. If I care about how others see me,
and judge me, then I will spend my time and energy worrying about what
I am doing right or wrong, how I look, and what I say. Because I care
about other peoples opinions.

If I love myself, I won't care what other peoples opinions of me might
be, although its fine if they have them. Because when I love ME, I can
love them too. When I allow myself to be who I am, I naturally allow
others to be themselves as well. I don't know how that happens, it just
does, it is the nature of love. In love we can see each other with out
judgement. We can look at each other as part of a greater whole.

That is why I believe care leads to attachment, while love leads to
connection. When care is not a simple expression of love, it is a
hinderance to it. If I care less, and love more, I experience
connection. Self respect. Respect for others. Freedom.

Thank you for allowing me to share these thoughts.

Many Blessings
Rebecca Twiss
Healingtree Intuitive


February 28, 2010

 Speaking Your Truth - Swimming Past the Line

My mantra, when teaching about self expression, is "Speak Your

Truth." Seems easy enough, eh? Just get up the guts to say what's on

your mind, release yourself from fear of other peoples' reaction to it.

Years ago I wrote an article describing the writing process, which I

considered speaking my mind, as having a balloon and letting it go.

Once you publish something, or say something, it cannot be taken back.

 I have discovered in recent years that it is far easier to

speak my mind than it is to speak my truth.

 
Learning to speak your mind is like getting over the fear of

water. You stand on the beach, watching others play and splash and swim

around, and you WANT to be there, but you are afraid. You don't know

how to swim. What might happen? People pass you by, and say, come on in

the water is fine! But you say no thanks, not today, I don't want to

get my hair wet, or I forgot my suit, or its too cold or its to hot

whatever that excuse might be to refrain from swimming.

 
And so with speaking our minds, we come up with endless reasons

NOT to say something, and let it slide - oh he's tired today maybe

tomorrow, or maybe they had a reason to say something that mean,or my

opinion doesn't matter, they know more than me. When we decide not to

speak up when we have the urge to do so, not only are we refusing to

share, we are guaranteed building up resentments, towards ourselves or

others.

 There might be days that we don't want to go swimming. We can

sit on the beach and just enjoy the sun, and watch others playing. But

knowing we can swim, and knowing we can speak our minds - well that is

what is important, and creates for us the choice.

 
Speaking your truth...now that's when it gets tricky my

friends. I used to think it was the same. if speaking your mind is

comparable to overcoming your fear of water and learning how to

swim...speaking your truth is diving into it. Beyond the ropes, past

the deep end, out of the harbor, and far out to sea.

 
Imagine if you could hold your breath forever. Would you choose

to explore the ocean's mysterious depths? Would you venture past the

line of conscious self, of mind, and set off on an adventure that you

could only take alone...if you could hold your breath forever would you

go there? What would stop you?

 Funny when I think on it, that the "line" along the swim area

on our local beach keeps nothing out, not really. It is all but

imaginary, it says don't go out there to the swimmers, and don't go in

there to the water crafts etc. But it won't stop a boat, if its driver

decides to go through it, nor would it stop a sharkey who might wander

into the bay. It is an imaginary line, that makes us feel safer.

 And so as well there is this imaginary boundary that makes us feel safe

in our expression. Speaking our mind is not so tough, we have our

boundaries and only go as deep as we want to. I feel safe swimming when

it is there.

 But oh what can we find what might we find if we had the

ability to hold our breath and go...out to sea, out to see, all the

creatures and wonders and thoughts and ideas and KNOWINGs.

So much more to know.


It takes courage and curiousity to go beyond the line, and the

safe harbor. There is a whole lot of empty space out there in which to

"be". To be able to speak one's truth...to be able to speak MY

truth...I needed to release the fear of being where I could not see

everything that was there.

 
I no longer fear drowning, because I can hold my breath forever

right? So what is it that I do fear? Fear. I hear that theme song and

have visions of sharp toothed creatures hungry for a seal or a swimmer

that imagines they can hold their breath forever. Something that says I

don't care if you can hold your breath, because I am going to eat you

for my dinner, and not blink an darkened eye. Interesting that when I

envision fear, it is something familiar that I have seen before; yet

the depths of the soul contains so much more, why do I fear only what I

know COULD be there?

 Fears are just fears. They swim around in our psyche, and yes

sometimes they do come true. They can be very real. But if we are

afraid to explore our own truth, go past the line of the conscious

mind, because of fears, then we are held captive by them.

 Remember, that line on the beach, its just buoys, wood, and

rope, and it can't keep a fear out if that fear decides to swim closer

to shore.

 So it is the courageous adventurer that will dive into the

truth, just to see what is there, inspite of the fears that might be

lurking. And when you have swum through it, this vast ocean of truth

that is only yours...you may speak of your journey, or journeys as it

might be, because it IS so vast, it takes many of them to even touch

upon its beauty.

 Know that it is you, this ocean, this truth, this vast beauty.

The fears swim in it, but are not of it. And really they could care

less what you do.

 See your own beauty. Know your own truth. Speak your mind as

you learn to. Speak your truth when you can. Put your feet in the

water. Don't be deterred by fear. The journey is worth it. Dive in.

Rebecca Twiss - Healingtree


February 22, 2010

I can only love

I cannot live your life for you
nor make your choices
nor take away your pain

Yes, I see your struggle
and I wish that I could kiss it away
and yet my dear those day are gone,
when a hug and a bandaid would do.

I can only love

I know where I have fallen
And I pray with all my heart
That you don't follow my footsteps
Sure it got me where I am now
but it was far from easy

I can't paint the picture for you
In bright enough detail
But maybe that is just not my business...painting

I can only love

Every time I step in
thinking here is where I can help
Just my presence sets you spinning
You cannot welcome my extended hand
and I guess this is all a part of growing up
Both yours, and mine.

Instead of trying to control the spin
I need to step aside and let God in

I can only love

So many fears wrapped up inside a mother's heart.
The recognition that I have done all I know how to do
The prayers that it will somehow be enough
When fighting with you to keep you safe
becomes the greatest harm of all

I can only love

You are not hurting me by being exactly yourself.
I grieve for something that never belonged to me.

Your beauty
Your presence
Your grace
Will be there
No matter what life hands you my dearest

I will never say good-bye
But I will let go because I know

I can only love.

And that is what I have to give...always.




February 8, 2010

Embracing Anxiety

A friend of mine asked me the other day - How do you do it? How
do you possibly do all the things that you have to do?

She was I'm guessing refering to the fact that I am raising
four kids, running a small business, writing this column, continuing my
massage practice, and doing my best to make sure my less than beautiful
apartment is at least livable for my family.

I smiled and said, "Oh, I blow a lot of things off."

Not the most intelligent of statements, I know. But quite true
actually, and healthy for me in certain ways.

I thought about it a moment, and said, "It is very important to
maintain a balance, you see. Stress, well, almost everybody has it, and
it can be motivating. But you need to know yourself well enough to see
when stress starts to become anxiety, and that is when you need to
switch something to the front burner and pay attention to it."

Let's talk about feelings for a minute, because its relevant to
the point here. I view feelings as important and fleeting. Most often
feelings cannot, and should not, be avoided, but accepted as important,
embraced, and released, so they cannot take over my day.

Stress is just a feeling. It rolls in, it rolls out. It doesn't
need to rule you, but it is incredibly useful when seen as a wave
pushing you towards whatever goal you feel you need to reach. Stress
doesn't need to hold onto any judgement of the situation. When I am
feeling stress, it indicates to me that it is time to get a move on
about things in real life that will benefit myself and others. Then I
make a list, tackle it, and feel a whole lot better. Stress rewards
discipline by going away....and allowing me to move into a feeling of
accomplishment - ahhhh. Like a nice warm bath after a long day.

When left unmanaged, stress becomes anxiety. I don't want to
assume that I know what your anxiety feels like. Mine sneaks in quietly
at first, and puts the things I have shuffled into the back of my mind
under a microscope. A big one. It starts singing - you know this should
have been done a LONG time ago. Then this knowing that something really
needs to get done is joined by the chorus of people who are potentially
going to be let down because I haven't taken care of it. The chorus of
course includes everyone else I have ever let down calling me bad names
like incapable, a dreamer, lazy or useless. IT takes about 24 hours of
this off-key chorus singing in my head for me to get into full
down-on-myself, can't-do-anything-right, what-the-hell-am-I-good-for
panic attack.
Otherwise known as anxiety.

Ick. I don't even like to venture into the memories. But there
is a point to my long and painful description. You see...I have gotten
to KNOW my anxiety. I know the tricks it plays, and I know the below
the belt shots it will throw to bring me to my knees. It is not my
enemy, however, it just is what it is.  I know the words to the song it sings.

And I have learned that even though it seems incredibly
powerful at times, it is a feeling, like any other, and I need to
accept it as important, embrace it, and let it go.

How is anxiety important? A worthy feeling? Something you would
embrace rather than run away from?

Aha! That, my friends, is the key to getting to know yourself,
and getting to love yourself better. If I did not have anxiety, it
would not have coaxed out those negative voices in my head telling me
how "bad" I am. The voice of anxiety attracted voices like it that
contribute to my dis-ease, and dis-like of my self. When I embrace
anxiety, I embrace all those voices with love, when I release them, I
know that they have no power over me.

I do let some things get put on the back burner. I need a day
to simply create the list of tasks that need to get done! But I don't
let tasks, or stress, run my day, because a large chunk of my life is
spent being mindful, and living in the moment. Learning, and growing,
and loving.

And when I hear my friend anxiety clearing its throat and
humming the first few notes of its chaotic tune I say, Oh hello, there
you are! Tell me, what is it that is troubling you? What do you want to
do today?

And I do it. My feelings are my friends you see, if I will only
let them be.

Rebecca Twiss
January 25, 2010



Building a House

Tell me, How can I build a house, when I work with hammer and nails patiently raise it, one board at a time
And on the other side, someone else works, pulling out the nails with the hammer, one board at a time

Am I in error in trying to build the house at all?
It seems like wasted energy?
And what if I stop trying, and just sit patiently, waiting for the
other to put down the hammer
Nothing left to do but look at me, expecting me to get up and try again.

I feel the need to build the house
To shelter and protect those that I love.
To bring them comfort and warmth.
In this situation
Kind Buddha
What do I do?
More complicated is the fact that those taking down the house
Are those the house is meant for.
I pray for enlightenment.

Is it not my task to bring them out of suffering?

Your task, mother, is to allow them the understanding
that if they have no house, they will be cold.

If they are capable of tearing down,
They are capable of also building up.

Put down your hammer daughter.
Practice patience.
The house is already built.

The greatest lesson in the calling of a healer
Is
That I can heal no one
Everyone is already healed.

The state of being "unhealed" is only related to the concept of time.

Zen Journey today
Many Blessings

January 17, 2010

Sneakers

When I was in my early twenties, I worked as a library clerk in a big Downtown L.A. law firm. Part of my job was to retrieve and return books for the attorneys at the Law Library near the courthouse. It was all pretty routine, after lunch in the staff room I would go back to my little cubby, change my dress shoes for sneakers, and walk to the shuttles stop 10 minutes away from my building.

One day I came back to my little corner of working class America and someone had moved my sneakers. I put them in the same spot every morning when I arrived so I could just change and go. I KNEW that I had put them there - and damnit, who was messing with my stuff! Such a small space, but my space, to be protected at any cost. My cubby!

After five minutes of looking behind paper supplies and on top of filing cabinets, I located the errant shoes, put them on, and headed to the elevator. I could still make the shuttle if I hurried - if I didn't , I would end up spending an extra 20 minutes waiting at the shuttle stop, and have an extra 20 minutes of work at the end of the day, which would make me late for the early bus home which was never crowded, unlike the LATER buses which were always PACKED.

Dang it! The elevator was full and slow and I stood tapping my sneakered foot, glancing at my watch irritated and impatient. The doors opened, finally, and we pack in like anchovies in a can...inching downward towards the bottom floor, one, slow, stop, at, a, time.

I pushed through the revolving glass doors and hustled through the crowd. Two minutes until the shuttle arrived at my stop, five more minutes to get there. Hoping that the bus was running late, I did my best to ignore the straps of the heavy book bag cutting tracks across my shoulder.

And there it was, the shuttle stop, empty of passengers.
And there it was, the shuttle bus, driving away with passengers who didn't have to find their sneakers.
Defeated, deflated, I sunk onto the bench to wait for the next one to arrive. For the next 20 minutes, my mind rolled through the big frustrations that my small, simple world had to offer up. I was NOT happy.Then again, back then I rarely was.

The bus arrived on time as always, and I swung into a seat for the ten minute ride.

They were just putting the yellow crime-scene tape around the building that had been my destination.

Just a few minutes earlier, a distraught client had murdered his attorney and then shot himself in the head, at the copier I would have been sitting next to - if my sneakers had been in the right place.

I never found out who moved my sneakers that day. But I am sure glad they did.

Going with the flow doesn't mean everything running according to YOUR plan. It means accepting what IS as the way it is meant to be, for whatever reason. When things don't seem to go right, you just never know - things might really be working in your favor.


January 12, 2010 - Knowing One's Self

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Oh my goodness.

I am afraid to jump of into this particular subject my friends, because

there is SO MUCH to it. I certainly won't be able to address it in a

single log entry, with my kids bouncing about me, and the chores to be

done, and the business to be run - so I will just take one bite at a

time, and hope they all roll together as one big digestable meal.

I have said before that I believe that we are all little pieces of God,

and our existance is God's way of knowing One's Self. We each have

different experiences, and different perspectives, completely unique to

us, like a thumbprint.

Each experience we have is a reflection of ourselves as this piece of

God.

(Oops. There I go using the "G" word. Please know that when I say "God"

I know what it means to me, and what it means to you might be

different. I use that word, you can use One, Buddha, Allah, Jesus, The

Goddess, Universal all that Is, the Source, whatever you choose to use

to describe the meaning behind the mystery. If you don't think there is

any meaning behind the mystery, I have no idea why you might be reading

this! But I love you anyway.)

Why then, if we are this little bits of immortality can we not REMEMBER

 what we are? Hmmmmmm

Does a single cell on the third layer of skin on my left arm know at

this point in time that it is being very helpful and doing its part

every time the letter t is typed? No. Does it even KNOW it is a cell? I

would venture a guess that no, it does not. That is just a guess.

Is it aware of its function? To be a part, of a piece

of skin that is a piece of this being that is writing this essay at

this very point in time?

It will live, and die, perhaps never knowing its purpose, and yet, its

purpose was served.

The conciousness that animates that cell is the conciousness within me.

Self. Rebecca. That cell is an individual, and has its moment in space

and time to exist. As do I.

So, as the cell is to Rebecca, I am to God.

It may go down deeper than that but you know I only took one year of

biology, and one year of botany, never ever got to physics class...so

accept my humble and simplistic definition as you will!

My point today is this. In our actions, as we reach out to the world,

looking for happiness, and romantic love, and companionship, and

understanding, and abundance...at the same time we are reaching out to

find these things, we are saying I want to know ME. Self. As the cell in

my arm is part of a whole who is seeking knowledge of self.

We seek our own reflection in other people, just as God seeks God's own

reflection in us. And that my friends, is a fine endeavor.

Where the issue lies, where the problems occur, and where the intense

pain exists, is in the simple fact that as we strive to find things

external to reflect ourselves, we forget to look within for the

same. While we search for meaning and value outside ourselves, we often

fail to look for that same meaning and value within.

We only have 50% of the equation going on.

If we only seek external validation without knowing the beauty and

divinity of self, no wonder so many of us feel as if there is

something missing. There IS something missing. Self Awareness.

Maybe this world just boils down to God trying to remember who God is.

I'll leave it at that for today.

Many blessings to you. Remember that the world is most likely different

than how you see it. Let go of expectations of what should be.

With love
Rebecca Twiss
Healingtree Intuitive


January 10, 2010

Be gentle with Trust. Once broken, it can be fixed; but it can never be restored to its original condition.

Rebecca 

 

 

January 4, 2010

Happiness


I do not pursue happiness
Because what I chase runs away
As in a never-ending game of hide and seek.

I would spend my time and energy
always looking
Out of breath, hands empty

Instead I tend my garden
Turning soil
Planting seeds
Discovering the beauty of self

And as I bend on hand and knee
working industriously on me
Happiness wonders where I am
And comes to see what I am intent on creating.

And as the light settles into night
Happiness and I can see the work done on this day
And spend quiet time
Side by side
Appreciating all that is.

Many blessings to you my friends.

May happiness join you today.

January 1, 2010

Hooray! A new day.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Been thinking about what to write for the first day of 2010...and I was truly stumped. I wanted it to be profound - something that could be carried throughout the year like a sign-post, showing which direction to go.

A hallelujah-amen-lightbulb flash of wisdom to kick off the year.

But its just not there people. And you know why? Because today is just another day.The sun has risen. There are things to do and fix and mend.
There are sick people to care for, loved ones to be buried, and babies to be born.

And it is ALL BEAUTIFUL. Years are just sections of time that we mutually agree on for reference. And it is pretty darned hard to make a resolution at the beginning of one, and make it last to the end, so distracted are we...and so prone to procrastination. At least I am!

I am going to shorten my year into a day. Each day when I wake up, it will be like New Year's Day, full of promise and the unknown; and when I lay my head to rest in the evening, it will be a time to look back and embrace the last 24 hours. Why not?

Rise every morning with determination...every single morning...know that your choices shape your life. Each day make decisions to bring health and love and abundance - not every other day, not every third Friday of the month, but every single day.

For this entire year of 2010, rejoice in the new day, just as if it were January 1st. Because each new day is a beginning. The very first day of your journey.

Lets see where it takes us, shall we?

Many Blessings!

December 29, 2009

And I searched my heart for prejudice
And I searched my mind for judgement
Thinking I would see nothing
Knowing I would find something

And there it was

A prejudice against ignorance
Angry thoughts at injustice
A wall against the perpetrators of misdeeds

And in order to heal and be healed
Those things must be let go of.

Because holding on to anger leads me to ignorance
And judging another's misdeeds creates my own.

And I feel immense gratitude for being able to see this
And thankful in the knowledge that I may now guard against it
And the Wall is taken down. Piece by piece.

Namaste

December 28, 2009

Understanding is Over-rated.

I recognized today how much value is placed on "understanding" as far as relating is concerned...and I don't buy it.

Yes, understanding has its place. It is crucial, in my opinion, when traversing the path of self discovery.

HOWEVER

I don't need to understand you to love you.
I don't need to understand you to tolerate our differences.
I don't need to understand you to honor your light.
I don't need to understand you to respect your right to be.
I don't need to understand you to forgive you.
I don't need to understand you to be kind.
I don't need to understand you to offer compassion.
I don't need to understand you to be the best person I can be.

Yes, once again, its all about me.

The only person I will ever truly be able to understand is me - and even that is a challenge my friends, one that will take at least a life-time to really grasp.

Because we are each of us a unique personality, our perspective a thumbprint which only we can be identified with, no matter how much we try to "understand" another person's truth, we will still be off the mark.

It doesn't mean we cannot relate to each other. It just means, when relating, we need honor the other individuals perspective as unlike our own. Understanding customs, personality quirks, likes and dislikes, etc, all of those things can help in relating to others, and learning these different ways of doing things can help me as an individual be of service to others.

Often, people strive for understanding and like-mindedness because it makes them feel secure.

On my path, I have accepted that security is one of many illusions. That is not a bad thing my friends, although it might sound that way! And I also ascribe to the belief that though none of us are the same, we all come from the same source, and in that we have something in common.

I believe that God had a pretty good reason to make us as we are.

If we are all little pieces of God
Then perhaps this world exists in order for God to get to know all aspects of God's "Self".
And if God is good, then so are we.

So today, rather than spending an inordinate amount of time trying to "understand" things - I will focus my efforts on all the things I CAN do,
whether I understand or not.

Many blessing beautiful people.
Rebecca


December 24, 2009

I was lucky enough to see H.H. the Dalai Lama speak this past November. It was such a great blessing to be able to be there, and I can definitely say it was a turning point on my path.

And I am sure that everyone there took away something slightly different, because everything we learn is processed through our own perspective.

Well, H. H. explained something that day, that I'd like to share, completely through my own perception, and 100% paraphrased, with you...because for me it was a new and refreshing idea:
 
It is okay to want things.

That might seem strange. But I was always under the impression that the most devout spiritual people did NOT want things, because that was somehow "bad". Not to the extreme - I don't believe that self-flagelation and hair shirts are the way to find God for most people - but still  I held the concept that wanting more than what I have was somehow a sin.

I felt as if he gave me permission - and that felt good.

It is okay, and human, to want comfort - good food, warm clothes, a nice house. That we don't have to feel bad for wanting those things, and it was NORMAL.

He said the problem with wanting creature comforts is when that "want" crosses the line and becomes a "desire",  which can lead to negative thoughts and actions. Makes sense!

Say, the person sitting next to me on a cold winter day has very fuzzy warm socks and my feet are bare. It is okay to want warm fuzzy socks like my neighbor's. Of course I would rather have my feet be warm too.

That thought - wow those sock look nice and warm - wish I had some on my tootsies - that thought is fine, and I can embrace it.

Now I may sit there eyeing those warm fuzzy socks, coveting them, and start thinking how unfair it is that I don't have any, or how mean my neighbor
is for not sharing their socks; OR maybe I feel slighted by my neighbor, because they don't even notice poor me with my feet turning blue. And then I wonder, what makes them so special that they have those socks and I don't...they should just get off their high horse! Hey buddy, what is Your Problem Mr. Fuzzy Socks? And then I might just get angry enough to bop him over the head with a blunt object and steal the socks for myself - justifying it all the way.

See? If we could just stick with acknowledging a "want" without getting wrapped up in the desire, we will be far better of, and maybe have some time
to figure out a solution.

For me, I have learned to allow myself to want things. I can sit next to someone wearing fuzzy socks, when my feet are bare, and think, wow, it
would sure be nice to have some of those right now! But ya know, at least I have my feet. I am thankful for my feet. And look at that! if I sit
criss-cross-applesauce lotus position, I can keep my bare feet a lot warmer with my legs and my hands.
Nice.

(eta - to H. H. the Dalai Lama, if he should ever read this, I hope I did your teaching some small justice, and please pardon me for the fuzzy sock example - it just rolls out of my head that way, and it seemed to work. Thank you for your many many blessings.)

December 22, 2009

Does the nature of the illusion we live in effect our ability to focus and manifest change?

There is a theory in quantum physics, from what I understand, that says simply focusing your attention on the smallest particle can change it's very nature.

Personally, I think that is pretty darned nifty.

And it makes me think about choices that I have made in life, and how they affect who I am today.

I choose to live a spiritual life. Any purist of any religion would shudder if the could look inside my brain and see how I have picked different parts of several different belief systems to build my own working and growing philosophy. The three top contenders are Buddhism, Taoism, and Christianity - but there are others in there too. They all co-exist quite happily in my mind, as I am somehow blissfully ignorant of ways they might not work together.

But I have often wondered how my spiritual "being" would benefit from a lengthy time away. How much easier would it be for me to focus on the fact that this world is an illusion if I lived alone on a mountainside, with nature my only companion, or disciplined my mind in a temple, reciting, meditating, and fully immersing my self in the learning of it all.

As is it, I am mini-van mom. This morning, after I write my daily entry, I will be baking banana bread, tackling a years worth of Quickbook entries for our family business, wiping runny noses, making plans for visiting relatives, figuring out what to cook for dinner, finishing up all things Christmasy, baking fudge, FBing friends,  playing games, and doing what needs to be done as far as running a business and a household with four young people is concerned.

Alone on a mountainside - I would need only the basics of food, and clothing, and shelter, and life would be far more quiet and far less chaotic.

But ya know what?

I'll take my mini-van. I will deep breath in the line at the bank. I will meditate over the dishes. I will purify my heart and body in the shower with the wilting bar of soap. I will immerse myself in this world of illusion - this normal, everyday life, and love doing it, and love being here. I will learn from each challenge, simple or complex. Because even though my focus might be more clear on that mountain top...what use would it be if no one ever came to visit?

Many blessings.

Rebecca


December 20, 2009

This morning I was fortunate to be called out of bed before 6am.
Scotty was on the boat getting ready for a fishing trip, and he needed a replacement bait pump.

I (gently) shook my oldest awake and let him know I'd be gone for a bit, put on some warm nobody's gonna care how I look at this time in the
morning clothes, and headed out the door for the 5 minute walk to the pier.

My mind was still pleasantly blank.

Looking at the water, the boats, the beach, the light just barely beginning to show itself on the horizon; listening to the gulls, and the water against the sandy shore.

Scotty was there waiting for me, and immediately got to the task of fixing things...said thank you and I was on my way.

And as I turned and looked at this town that I have lived in for nearly two decades, it came to me that I would only be here for a few months more. The quiet morning street, the wooden pier under my feet, the gulls calling out, the signs of businesses, the tall palm trees, even the way the Christmas lights were strung - all these things so very familiar to me.

My eyes rested on this and that, and the memories of the past - some of it joyful, and some of it heartbreaking - echoed as the sun rose.

And I did not feel sadness.
I was kind of surprised.
After spending half of my life here, I figured I would FEEL more.
I conjured up visions of blowing bubbles with my toddlers on the sidewalk - a warm and fuzzy feeling sure, but focused more on the beauty of the moment than on where the moment took place.

And then in that peaceful morning light it occured to me.
I have released myself from attachments.

"Letting Go" was a place I had been working towards for years. And I didn't even realize I had.

Sure it feels a little strange. There are things we just assume about being human...like we are going to have attachments. Like we are going to miss things, pine over what has been lost, and think of things we don't have that we wish we did.

Do I still have attachments? I am pretty sure I do. I am attached to certain thought processes, behaviors, and reactions.But I have released far more than I still have.

And some may read this and think - how is that a good thing? Where are your feelings? Where is the bonding with other people? Where is your motivation, your drive, your passion, your love with no attachment?

I understand the question my friends.

All I can say is this:

In the moments when I have released myself from attachments, from expectations, from fear, I weep. Not in sorrow. Nor even in joy.
But in being a part of the indescribable all that is.

Maintaining that empty space where all that stuff used to be, well, it gives me a lot more room to love right now. When I look at my chidren, I see them. When I listen to a friend, I hear them. And when I tell someone I love them, I do. Right there.

Wish I could be there all the time, but then again, that is an attachment to letting go of attachments - (smile) - and so I will release that attachment too.

Many blessings to you today, "be" in each moment.
Love
Rebecca



December 18, 2009

Sleep when you need to sleep.
Work when you need to work.
Eat when you need to eat.
Mourn when you need to mourn.
Smile any time that you can.

Bend if you need to bend.
Break if you are bent on breaking.
Pick up the pieces at your leisure.
Heal at your own pace.

No one can tell you who you are.
Stop trying to believe them.
I say Try - because it's an effort
to be anyone but who you are.

Breathe without thinking
Love without caring
This is the moment
You need to be in.


December 17, 2009

Bleeding - and how to stop it, a beginning.

In one of my visions of the Healing Tree, I was lying on the ground under the tree, bleeding.
All the wonderful, enlightened beings that gathered there surrounded my prone body and said - hey, you are bleeding! Why don't you stop it? You know how!
Their faces were full of the wonder of it -  WHY would someone choose to
bleed? How very curious!

Alas, I couldn't feel the wound, had no idea where I was bleeding from, only that I was bleeding. I could not ask them anything - I had bled so long that I had no energy left to speak.
But in my thoughts, I shouted - How? How do I stop this? You say I know, but I don't! The most frustrating thing was - I knew that I should know. I knew that I knew. I just could not for the life of me REMEMBER.

And there in exists the difference between our spirit and our ego. Memory. Our ego-self that drives the bus does not remember how the bus came to be - nor how to fix it if it breaks down, or where it is going, or why.

So. How do we identify this leak that we bleed love and life and energy from? There are a few red flags to look for.
One red flag, which goes along with this particular holiday for many of us, is LACK. If you are feeling LACK...then you are leaking somewhere. Focus on the feeling. Where does it come from? What human memories are attached to it? What triggers the feeling of lack in you?

Then recognize that the feeling of lack is ego-based, and that in spirit there is no need for lack.

You know, recognizing this does not offer any immediate revisions of
our current conditions, except that we might feel more centered and secure within ourselves...like how we feel when we find a leak - Oh, there it is, now I can take action to fix it!

The fix for lack does not come from our ego-based world. Nor does it come from the universe, because the universe, God, all that is, whatever you choose to call it does not recognize the concept of lack, because there IS NO LACK there. There is this in between, this middle, this medium which is Spirit. Spirit goes between the universe and the human ego.

Hmmm. I guess that is where Healingtree exists my friends, and why. To recognize the connection between two different things - the universe and humanity. Spirit is the energy that exists in the middle.

Back to the beginning - me bleeding on the ground with these amazing enlightened beings around me, expecting me to know what to do.

How do I heal the wound? How do I stop the lack, the leak? In the vision, I looked at the tree, feeling hopeless...the tree I had the ability to love into healing. The tree that connected the universe and the ego. And in my mind - I remembered -

I am this tree.

December 15, 2009

There is a path - and along the path we find all things that human life has to offer -
Joy, bliss, pain, betrayal, love, community etc etc.

One person will walk the path with a smile - ignorant of any danger.
One person will refuse to walk the path, the fear of the danger is too great.
One person will walk the path knowing the danger is there, feeling fear the entire way, and always expecting the worst.
And one person will walk the path, knowing the danger is there, and smile anyway.

My first smile was born of innocence.
My next was born of ignorance.
Then I lost it for a while.
One day, deep in thought, I found it again.
I brushed off the suffering that it had picked up along the way
And stuck it back on my face...
A smile not born of innocence or ignorance but AWARENESS
Existing because of experience and despite it.

Simply being is a reason to be thankful.
I know that I have had times in my life when I didn't believe that, and so will you.
It is at those times that faith is a very helpful thing to have.

May your day be full of smiles, no matter what else it brings.

Rebecca

December 14, 2009

In a dream I defeated an enemy bent on death and destruction, mortally wounding him.
As I looked down at this fallen soul, his face became the face of my own child, and I wept, holding him in my arms until no life was left.
What a brutal thing is war.
It seems without it, freedom as a way of life would be extinguished.
And yet, with each death a parent's heart cries in anguish, "My Child!"
I cannot pray for the end of war, for surely those who have no respect for life will choose to take it;
And so I pray for the end of suffering, and that the hearts of those who have no respect for life might be turned.

Rebecca





December 13, 2009

Other People's Judgement

I spend a whole lot of my time working on me, understanding my own thought process, and doing what I can to bring a little light into the world. Developing an intimate relationship with myself is a healthy and creative path. But doing my best to maintain positive action is just part of the equation.

Today, I recognized though I aspire to stay out of judgement of others, I cannot ignore the need in me for healing the feeling of being judged.
 
Living in society, there is no way to avoid it. People ARE going to judge you. They are going to assume you are stupid, untalented, or just plain worth less then they are. This can be people that you know and love. This can be people who have absolutely no idea who you are. You can intellectually understand that this comes from fear, and empathize with it, and stay out of judgement yourself. And you can choose to stay out of judgement OF yourself, just loving and embracing who you are.

But I have to say, it is pretty darned hard to not become defensive when someone slams you with an unsolicited opinion. I know I become defensive almost automatically. We LEARN to become defensive when we feel attacked.

I want to UNLEARN that. Knowing that it can be done, and actually being able to do it, are two different things.

So what if someone thinks my idea is lame, or that the way I do the dishes is wrong and that I should use cold water instead of hot, or that I am incapable of doing anything right...so what? It is easy to get stuck in thinking less of the person who has made the statement, and I don't want to go in that direction either...because they have a right to an opinion. And I can differentiate between an opinion and a contstructive criticism.

Does their "thought" affect me in any way? Their reality is theirs. I happily live in my own. It is not about stopping the statement, or negating it, or defending myself against it. The challenge is, allowing myself to feel good about who I am regardless of what is said.

Today I am going to work on smiling at any judgements flung in my direction. I have already started, and the smile is still there. I'll let you know how it goes.

Pay attention today, to how you react to judgement statements from other people. And understand that you are good just being you. Allow it to be. And use the energy you would have spent defending on love.

Many Blessings!

Rebecca